Coming home for Christmas was anything but what I expected. I thought spending time with my loved ones would be the right thing to do but actually, it wasn’t. When I left Bali I couldn’t hold back my tears. I clearly wasn’t ready to go home. Even though I was in such a good state of mind at this time and could mentally grow during my travels through Southeast Asia and I even could find some peace in me.
Being back home in my “old life” changed everything so quickly. I had been catapulted from one world to another and I felt like an alien during this time. I consistently felt like, someone is hunting my sparkle by telling me, that what I am doing is not realistic or just traveling would be selfish and it would financially never work out. It went so far, that I started to believe it. I was questioning everything. My dreams and hopes suddenly fell into pieces. I wasn’t able to stand up for myself and to say it by its name: Society killed me. Once again.
I fell in depression and ended up isolating me from the outside world. I lost everything I created in the last couple of months in only a few days. Pufff… gone! I was crying for days and saw no way out of it. I know, time will heal the wounds but this time, there was no room for a new scar, not now. I decided to solve the issues and heal it through communication.
Communication, a gift that is the solution for so many things on earth and the thing my parents somehow forgot to teach me. I was so sick of being quiet about my feelings. People were surprised by seeing me speaking up, so surprised, that it ended up in a pool of conflicts. It made everything so much more complicated and for sure it would have been way easier by just accepting things. But honestly, it was worth all the fights, discussions and losing my imagination of a peaceful Christmas with family and friends.
Now, after many headache, sobs and plenty glasses of rum, I can proudly say: I stay true to myself. No more regrets. Just me, the world and everyone that loves me for who I am and what I will become. I am strong. I am brave. And I can’t wait for the rainbow as a result of the next rain.